W H O L E

i think our wandering spirits and hearts have finally found a church family! when we moved to colorado almost a year ago (okay, that's weird), we were exciting to build a life in community. but when friendships didn't bloom and people weren't interested in getting to know us, i got discouraged. i mean big time. this is when i fought depression hardcore. all my fears became real. so i withdrew. i literally told aaron "why would i make friends if i hate this place?" (no drama there, i really did hate it). then, we moved! and i was stoked! and i thought "we'll make friends all day long, la la la". and guess what? there weren't friends waiting on my doorstep. there weren't friends at the grocery store, or starbucks, or even the donut shop (which there should always be friends there). so, i was alone (or at least i felt that way). we were attending church at the summit on and off, and to be honest hadn't made a real effort to meet anybody. i even was signed up for a women's retreat and chose to work instead of go (i am LAME). then, we took an intro class at our church for people who want to become members. and met with a pastor. and went to a city group. AND MADE FRIENDS. you guys, i gave my phone number out like it was candy! and people wanted it! it was awesome. what i realized in city groups last night was huge. we're going through a book called When The Church Was A Family by Joseph Hellerman and man, was it uncomfortable. basically, he says that we are called to love our church family more than our biological families. that our priority is to our church family rather than our natural family. (okay, who else feels weird?) and it just clicked. 

i wasn't making friends because i wasn't seeking a family.

i didn't want to be vulnerable. i didn't want to be honest and broken in front of people i barely know.

then, our group leader said something.

if christ is all that unites us, we're a family. we don't need anything else.

mind.

blown.

i don't know why that simple truth rung so loudly in my ears. duh, if we have christ, we don't need anything else. but for some reason, that just didn't seem like it would apply to people.

don't get me wrong, i am still wrestling and uncomfortable with the idea of putting my church family before my natural family. and maybe it's because i have such an awesome family. it's also because i was taught the following priorities.

1. God

2. Family

3. Church 

4. Others

i was always taught that God came first, then my spouse, then my child, then ministry. that my family was my first ministry. and i guess to some extent it is. but what i hadn't thought about was how God and his people are connected and should be considered as such. these are not two separate entities; rather, God is in His people. there should not be such a sharp distinction between the two. so really, our priorities should look like this:

1. God's family

2. My family

3. Others

it's going to get some getting used to, but i am excited to see how God grows me in this area.

again, WE MADE FRIENDS. (also, i'm a loser).

I N K

how is it almost march? i can't understand where the time goes! just two weeks ago we packed up our little apartment and moved into a smaller 1950s house in denver. last weekend, two of our friends came from california and we had the best time. of course we went to voodoo and highland tap & burger, and of course we had lots of laughs, but you know what else? we got tattoos! eeek. okay, so both aaron and i have tattoos (matching roman number 2013), and we've both been wanting more tattoos, so we were so excited to do this together. we are so so happy with ours!

artwork & tattoo by rochelle marion at ritual tattoo

artwork & tattoo by billy crandall at ritual tattoo

now, when can i get my next one? ;)

"I DO WHAT I WANT!"

that statement was from a Facebook post of a girl i know. she is newly single, and says she loves it. and i'm assuming she loves it because she gets to "do what she wants". (there very well may be other reasons, and i completely acknowledge that maybe there is some deeper hurts for why she ended her relationship. so, this is not targeted at this one person.) for some reason, reading this statement broke my heart. do we ever really get to "do what we want"? is that our motivation for not being in a relationship? now, from the perspective of a Christian, doing what we want most certainly gets us into trouble. if i "did what i want", my life would be a mess. i would not be married. i would not have a job. heck, who knows what my life would be like, i may not even be a Christian.

truth time: there are many times in my short almost two years of marriage that i thought "well, if i was single, i could do that" or "i wish i didn't have to ask aaron". but let me just stop and say how utterly selfish that is. i know that God has called me to be a wife and has called me to submit to my husband. so thinking these thoughts about how i could do what i wanted if i wasn't married is just plain stupid. now, i'm not saying that those who are single can't "do what they want". God has specific plans for each of us and have us in specific life roles for the purpose of furthering His kingdom. is fulfilling God's plan of making disciples on this earth less than my earthly desires, no matter how important (to me) they might be? no matter how important i want my desires to be, they aren't more important than what Jesus has in store.

TIMES ARE CHANGIN'

yes, i know it has been almost three months since i last posted. shame shame shame. seriously, life is busy and keeping this blog updated is really not a priority right now. so want to hear something funny that's actually really not that funny?

we're moving.

again.

"but wait, didn't you just move in october?"

yep.

"and you're moving again?"

yep.

and guess what? i actually don't hate myself!

it seems like only a crazy person who loves anxiety and the xanax prescriptions that come along with it would do this. but, we've prayed and sought and talked and pondered, and this is the right decision for us.

it all started wednesday, december 17th. i had paid for expedited shipping on a christmas sweater i wanted to wear to my work party that thursday. so i pull up, thinking i had plenty of time to pick up my package from the office (because when you live in an apartment with a breezeway, i guess they don't leave packages? idk...not my first time living in a building but whatever!) and wouldn't you know it, the office was closed. 

needless to say, i was livid (probably a little bit more than i should've been). the next day, we find out that our apartment complex had been sold and that the office hours had changed. and you guessed it, without notice. so the office hours went from being completely convenient for our work schedules to extremely inconvenient. the hours are now 8:30-5:30. i leave for work before 7 and get home from work between 5:45-6. and we do a lot of online shopping. this all means i only have access to the office on saturdays because they no longer have sunday hours.

so we're wallowing in how unfortunate this is, talking complaining about it casually with family when we went home to visit, when all of a sudden, my grandpa (who owns a mobile home park and knows a thing or two about tenants' rights) said that the company had broken our lease.

wait, what?

you mean, we don't have a lease anymore? we can move?

now, let me back up a bit. my commute has been killing me. like no energy to do anything i just want to zone out and/or sleep killing me. so, we have talked about possibly moving before our lease ends anyways. and with the worst of winter not even here yet, i'm not looking forward a 2+ hour commute some days. and also, the office hours really are inconvenient. they were one of the reasons why we chose to live here.

so we sent a letter. a nice letter. it stated our issues and why we felt we were no longer bound to this apartment. i sent it new years eve priority and certified. i never got a signature (or delivery) confirmation. i was getting nervous. then, aaron found out they received it. one of the (almost) former employees confirmed with him that they received it and showed it to him for confirmation. she was even so kind to sign a slip of paper saying she received it. she also said that the manager was out until thursday (today) so we probably wouldn't hear from her until after then. (also, what manager takes a vacation right after you take over a property, change a bunch of things, and have to put out fires?)

so, now we wait. we haven't heard from the leasing office, but some good news: we have a place to move to! we got approved yesterday and it is in denver and 15 minutes from my work. we're just praying this all works out okay with the least amount of financial repercussions.

i guess it's time to start packin'!

TOO LONG

okay y'all, it has been TOO LONG. it's okay, call me a slacker. i totally agree. i have to say, life has been going way too fast since we've moved. it's been good and hard and has involved a ton of driving (my work commute totals 2-2.5 hours a day), but God is good and we are blessed.

reading//blogs and lots of childrens files at the moment. unfortunately, i have not started a new book since we moved. that needs to change. i love to read, so i will definitely be reporting back!

eating//i'm loving sweetango apples right now. holy moly! so juicy and good! also, ice cream. always ice cream.

watching//rehab addict, law & order svu, grey's. since i've blasted through chopped, cutthroat kitchen and pioneer woman on netflix, aaron and i have been obsessed with rehab addict (i swear i have a job and don't just sit around watching tv)

listening//jon foreman pandora. i have to say, beyonce pandora was the front runner for a good while, and while queen b is still fab, i've been craving some earthy surfer sounds with a spiritual focus. such a good station. i adore it!

hoping//for direction. aaron and i constantly go back and forth on trying for a baby. it's either i need to lose weight or i need to stay at my job or blah blah blah (all me problems). i know that when it happens it will be the right time. doesn't stop me from planning a design plan for a nursery ;)

pondering//where we are supposed to be. i often think of where we will buy a house and where we will raise a family. is it denver? is it southern california? somewhere else? i tend to get a lot of anxiety whenever i allow these thoughts to take root, so i (most of the time) push them aside. i have to trust that God will guide us.