today is a hard day. today is a day where I feel steeped in brokenness and loss. I feel defeated and run down. I am couch ridden due to morning sickness...again. which means I'm missing church...again. and I just feel all sorts of down when I miss church.
and today, I'm really thinking about the baby we lost. I'm thinking about how our baby boy had a friend in there, in me, and then one day that friend was gone. and while I know it was ultimately God's plan, I can't help but think who he or she would've been. what would they have accomplished? how tall would they have been? would they have been a picky eater like me or a musician like their daddy?
and then today Facebook reminded me 4 years ago my friend Amanda wrote on my wall that she missed me. and that friend is gone and has been for over two years. yet I still ache from losing her. even though we weren't as close at the end of her life, she was somebody who always made you feel like the only person who mattered.
so today is a day where I'm just feeling a lot of sad things. and in the midst of these sad things, I'm grateful that God is my completeness in my brokenness.
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