JOY FOR THE TAKING

photo credit: hillsong

life is hard. heck, it feels nearly impossible sometimes. since moving to colorado, my emotions have been all over the place: mystified by the beauty of God's creation here in CO, excited for new friendships, fearful that i wouldn't have any said new friendships, weighed down by the feelings of loneliness, guilt, doubt. question marks plagued my thoughts every second of every day: did we make the right choice? why did we move away from everything we know and love? does God know what He's doing? will we make friends? will i ever be happy again? (yes, i tend to be very dramatic but this is really what i was thinking about). i legitimately felt depressed, a feeling that is almost foreign to me. i was devoid of hope, faith and joy.

through wrestling with my precious God, my patient God (oh goodness, is He ever patient), my everlasting, ever-present God, He revealed an oh so simple truth: My joy is for your taking. now, think about this: this huge, great, majestic God, who created the heavens and the earth, who knitted us together in our mothers' wombs, who catches our tears in bottles and whose thoughts of us outnumber the grains of sand on earth, that same God has joy unspeakable waiting, just waiting, for us to grab hold of, to passionately, desperately, longingly live our lives in love and joy with abandon. i have to stop and say to myself, "for real? that's just waiting for me?" because if i'm going to be real, if it's just waiting, why don't i have it already?

get this: the answer is actually an easy one, almost a freebie. i don't have this joy because i haven't claimed it. i haven't grabbed hold of the laughter, the carefreeness, the purity of this joy. it makes me say to myself, "well, why the heck not skyler?!" there are a number of reasons why, but this is the main one: i would (almost) rather hate life here in colorado. i would rather throw a pity party, wishing my sweet husband would rescue me and whisk me away to california, hoping that being back in my comfort zone would make all of what i was feeling go away.

well, here's a slap in the face kind of truth: your circumstances don't dictate your joy, they dictate your happiness. joy and happiness are so different, while they are often mistaken and used interchangeably. happiness relies on the outward and is often swayed by circumstances or others, while joy relies on the inward and is constant. i want joy. i want to constantly be full of joy, even when life sucks. i want joy because i know Whose i am and i know Who holds me. i want joy because i worship a King who has conquered death. i want joy because i want to be made brave. i want courage, i want love, i want joy. all i have to do is take it, and take it daily.