WAITING CAN BE SWEET

as i was texting a sweet friend today, i realized something: God has done a huuuuuuuuuuge work in my life (huuuuuuuuuuge reminds me of a story this same friend told me about our old pastor saying "huuuuuuuuuuge with multiple uuuuuu's!!!). my friend stephanie is getting ready to move to illinois with her husband so that they can attend school. stephanie and her husband sean are very close to aaron and i: they were in our wedding, were our neighbors at one point, and have shared in some of the most intimate times of ministry with us (steph and i went to india together and sean and aaron went to haiti). i've been thinking about them a lot since just three months ago we made the move to grand junction. i know how stressful and expensive and stresssful moving is, having done it so recently. i know how moving changes you, changes the way you respond, how you think, and especially how you feel. but that is only if you allow such a big change to dictate your life. 

our first month in gj, i battled major depression. i constantly cried, yearning and longing to be back in california. i constantly questioned whether we made the right decision and my joy and happiness was fully dependent on my circumstance. today, as i checked in with stephanie and she asked how things were going in colorado, something clicked.

i'm happy full of joy.

God is good.

He satisfies and is our contentment.

we are full and overflowing with the sweet taste of waiting.

while we long for the day we move back to southern california, to the sunny beaches and friends and family, we are treasuring this time in colorado. we are admiring the beauty of the mountains and the rarity of being away from everything. i'm in awe of the way He works and softens our hearts.

LIFE IS TOUGH BUT SO ARE YOU

no source...pinterest strikes again :(

i titled this post "life is tough but so are you" after a little low card i saw on instagram yesterday. and boy, did this encouragement come at the right time. yesterday was a hard day. it seemed like every hour (or every minute rather) brought trials and disappointments. and while these trials and disappointments are petty and little compared to the actual hurts and challenges people are going through, they were very real to me. first, a printing order i received wasn't printed correctly. then, the boxes i ordered for my shop were the wrong size. the stickers i tried to make for my packaging were misaligned, and the new paint pen i bought for my wood slices splattered all over the place. oh, not to mention i got a voicemail from the company i interviewed with that i didn't get the job. that was the kicker. i started zoning out and crying (at the same time, i guess) just looking through instagram at all the beautiful talent i follow. thoughts of self-doubt and not being good enough crept into my head. "why can't i draw like her?" "oh my goodness that's so cute! wish i could do that." "oh man, i could never do that. i'm so not capable." and on and on and on. then i was like okay i have to rebrand this and that and spend thousands of dollars to sell like this person and that person. my comparisons against women i don't even know but admire were off the charts. like for real, i was going nuts. so, i ordered pizza and watched a movie with my man and pup and tried to forget it all.

typically, i'm the type of person that needs to sleep on things in order to get over them. have a fight with aaron, go to bed mad, wake up happy as a clam. it's just the way i function and work through things. so it was no surprise to wake up feeling great and clear headed. i'm still wondering why i didn't get the job, but know it's God's will that i didn't. there's a lot of things i was wondering about that i've suddenly had revelations about. why do i do custom invite orders and take on the task of printing them when i don't get the return for my work and i don't have the right resources? why don't i take a leap of faith and work with someone to get my brand stronger? well. today, i have the answers to those questions. praise God i didn't get the job because while the extra money would've been nice, my passion is creating and homemaking. i still get thoughts in my head like, "why did you waste four years of your life in school to study and train for a career you probably will never have? you were made for more." but what really was i made for? i ultimately was made to worship the Creator, to live in His presence, to honor and glorify Him with all that i am and all that my life is. and let me tell ya, i can definitely do that creating and homemaking. i can create items to donate for causes like adoption or helping a family that's lost a child. i can cook and clean and fill my home with flowers and candles so that my husband has a relaxing environment to come home to. i can strive and push myself to be better and do better with the talents God has given me.

but why do i continue to think i'm not doing enough?

i think a large part of this has to do with the world. with family, friends, peers, media. with the constant idea that to be a strong woman you must work hard and provide for your family. with the pressure that you're "wasting your life" if you don't have a 9-5 and make a living.

but can i tell you something?

this not having a "job" thing has helped to reinforce my priorities.

i'm all about kingdom work. you know, the work that uplifts and encourages and loves. the work that makes people feel good, but not for superficial reasons. kingdom work is work that draws others to the Savior of the world. if i have the opportunity to not have a "job", but to work for the kingdom, i'm sure going to take it.

so here's to being confident in God given abilities, to loving harder than i ever have, and to working with all that's within me.

LOVE

this is a post from almost 4 years ago that i put on facebook. just as good of a lesson for me today as it was back then:

God's love for us: what does that really mean? What does that include? How does it work? This week, I have been challenged with these questions. God has laid heavy on my heart what it really means to serve Him minus the desire or feeling, but to serve with an obedient heart; to do what He has called us to do for the sake of furthering the kingdom of God, with the purposes of saving souls and glorifying our Creator. 

God has revealed to me that His love is a relational love, a mutual and reciprocal relationship, in which there is benefit if we participate and abide. God's love requires action by us, His creation, if we are to fully receive the blessing of it. 

In John 15:10, Jesus says, "If you obey my commands, you will abide in my love"

Loving God is not just saying, "I love you". Loving God requires action and obedience. Loving God in action is obeying His commandments, just as it says in the Scriptures. Loving God in obedience is moving when the Spirit compels and staying when the Spirit stays; it is simply doing what God has told us.

1 John 2:3-6 says, "We know that we have come to know him if we keep his commands. Whoever says, “I know him,” but does not do what he commands is a liar, and the truth is not in that person. But if anyone obeys his word, love for God is truly made complete in them. This is how we know we are in him: Whoever claims to live in him must live as Jesus did."

"But if anyone obeys his word, love for God is truly made complete in them."  All we have to do is to obey his word to receive the fullness of His love. The fullness of it. That means that God loves us NO MATTER WHAT. God's love for us is not dependent on our actions. But if we do not obey or abide in Him, we miss out on the full blessing, the outpouring of all the good God has for us. 

John 15:7-11: " 'If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. My Father is glorified by this, that you bear much fruit, and so prove to be My disciples. Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you; abide in My love. If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love; just as I have kept My Father's commandments and abide in His love. These things I have spoken to you so that My joy may be in you, and that your joy may be made full.' "

We keep His commandments not for God's sake, but for our benefit, because in keeping those commandments, our joy is filled to overflowing. Notice how John 15:11 says, " 'These things I have spoken to you so that My joy may be in you, and thatyour joy may be made full.' " Jesus did not say these things so that He may benefit from His obedience: He said these things so the WE, His children, His friends, may be complete in God.

God's love for us is reciprocal; it is not one-sided. It is a mutual relationship where both the Creator and the creation are in union, of the same heart, of the same mind and of the same spirit.

John 15:12-17: " 'My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. This is my command: Love each other.' "

We are FRIENDS of Jesus. How rad is that?! Jesus knows us by name and has chosen US. In the dictionary, the following definitions of "choose" are given:

1. to select from a number of possibilities; pick by preference

2. to prefer or decide (to do something)

3. to want; desire.

We are chosen because we are preferred, we are desired, we are wanted. We are wanted by the all-powerful, mighty, sovereign God of the universe. I don't know about you, but being wanted feels awesome, especially when I am wanted by someone I want just as much! 

The reciprocality of this love is expressed through the response of our hearts in the relationship: if we actively respond to His love, we are promised by the Savior of the world that we will bear fruit that will last. By obeying and abiding in His love, we are empowered to do greater things than we could ever dream of for ourselves. Bearing fruit is a natural consequence of abiding in God's love and by abiding in His love, we are sharing the love of Jesus Christ with those that are searching to fill that God-sized void.

GRACE

"Today you are called to abandon the purposes of your kingdom 

and give yourself to the will of a greater King. Grace makes it possible."

 -Paul David Tripp

thank my good Lord in heaven that His grace is sufficient in my weakness. a day doesn't go by where i think about california. just yesterday, a group text between bridesmaids for my friend jessica's wedding made me miss the golden coast so much. but God's grace is good; i was not consumed by discontentment or disappointment. sure, i was bummed to have to miss out on bachelorette party planning at 7 am in a coffee shop (thank God for skype!), but i was not distraught. His grace was falling heavy on my heart. if i was in the same place i was last week, i probably would've been a mess. but He has been teaching me so much throughout our "displacement" here in CO (kidding!). it's funny how perspective plays such a huge role in our time here on earth.

what if God brought aaron and i here for a bigger reason than ourselves (gasp!)? what if God has a purpose in this isolation? (duh! He has a purpose for all things) what if His sole purpose was to bring aaron and i closer together and to strengthen our marriage? what if it is to help us get out of debt and save money so that we have the capability and freedom to live where we choose? i had to ask myself, "is that really all that bad? to hang out with my best friend all the time and to save money?" and let me tell ya, it sounds a-okay to me. if that is really all God has for us in grand junction, then bring it on!

in the quote above by PDT (as i affectionately call mr. tripp), we are called to abandon our goals, our will, our desires, our wants, even our needs, to the King of Kings, who is in control of all. we can only do this by His grace. and praise Him that His grace comes in many different forms: encouragements from family, a shoulder to cry on with aaron, friends to share in my sadness, charlie to brighten my days. i am truly blessed that He has made it possible through the Cross for me to abandon my whole life in full pursuit of His Kingdom. i am ready for this season. i am not naïve to the fact that i will probably cry one or two (or thirty) more times over my missing CA. but i can say with assurance: His grace is sufficient.

JOY FOR THE TAKING

photo credit: hillsong

life is hard. heck, it feels nearly impossible sometimes. since moving to colorado, my emotions have been all over the place: mystified by the beauty of God's creation here in CO, excited for new friendships, fearful that i wouldn't have any said new friendships, weighed down by the feelings of loneliness, guilt, doubt. question marks plagued my thoughts every second of every day: did we make the right choice? why did we move away from everything we know and love? does God know what He's doing? will we make friends? will i ever be happy again? (yes, i tend to be very dramatic but this is really what i was thinking about). i legitimately felt depressed, a feeling that is almost foreign to me. i was devoid of hope, faith and joy.

through wrestling with my precious God, my patient God (oh goodness, is He ever patient), my everlasting, ever-present God, He revealed an oh so simple truth: My joy is for your taking. now, think about this: this huge, great, majestic God, who created the heavens and the earth, who knitted us together in our mothers' wombs, who catches our tears in bottles and whose thoughts of us outnumber the grains of sand on earth, that same God has joy unspeakable waiting, just waiting, for us to grab hold of, to passionately, desperately, longingly live our lives in love and joy with abandon. i have to stop and say to myself, "for real? that's just waiting for me?" because if i'm going to be real, if it's just waiting, why don't i have it already?

get this: the answer is actually an easy one, almost a freebie. i don't have this joy because i haven't claimed it. i haven't grabbed hold of the laughter, the carefreeness, the purity of this joy. it makes me say to myself, "well, why the heck not skyler?!" there are a number of reasons why, but this is the main one: i would (almost) rather hate life here in colorado. i would rather throw a pity party, wishing my sweet husband would rescue me and whisk me away to california, hoping that being back in my comfort zone would make all of what i was feeling go away.

well, here's a slap in the face kind of truth: your circumstances don't dictate your joy, they dictate your happiness. joy and happiness are so different, while they are often mistaken and used interchangeably. happiness relies on the outward and is often swayed by circumstances or others, while joy relies on the inward and is constant. i want joy. i want to constantly be full of joy, even when life sucks. i want joy because i know Whose i am and i know Who holds me. i want joy because i worship a King who has conquered death. i want joy because i want to be made brave. i want courage, i want love, i want joy. all i have to do is take it, and take it daily.

COMMUNITY + JOY

today is a day to rejoice and be glad. today is a day to be full of joy and praise the Lord. how often we are burdened by this life and all we feel is required of it. our tendency is to have a cynical heart and downcast spirit. but that is not what God calls us to! He calls us to a life of celebration. i mean, HE is the one who rejoices, sings, and dances over US! how much more should we celebrate Him. this video has reminded me of what joy in Christ is and what that looks like. i'm also reminded that joy in Christ is to be shared with community. praise the Lord for how He has blessed aaron and i with a new church and new friends. i almost forgot how important fellowship is. but can i tell ya? it sure does a soul good.

ONE WEEK

yesterday marked one week until we move to colorado. i can't even put into words what i am feeling right now: excitement, joy, anxiety, fear, insecurity, hope...the list goes on and on. after finding out that our house is still not ready for move in and that the management company we've decided to go with could be a little sketch, my emotions have been nuts. i talked to the agent we worked with when we were viewing houses, and she explained this whole crazy story about how her boss has been firing people left and right and how she is unethical at times and just a whole mess of things that riddled my bones with fear and anxiety (like for real, my core was shaken). and don't get me started on how ridiculously SAD i am. i thought my excitement would overshadow the holes that would be left by so many people. we said goodbye to our church on sunday, goodbye to our community group last night and have to say goodbye to family this weekend. it is honestly too much. my heart feels like it's about to burst at the seams. but then, i heard my precious Jesus, and the words He whispered to my heart: you are mine, I am faithful, I am doing something. my sweet, sweet husband reminded me: this is our mission field. we're being called out. God has something for us.

and you know what?

my fear just melted.

it's gone. gone is the insecurity, the fear, the anxiety (well, almost). and what has replaced it is His promise, His faithfulness, His sureness (which i don't think is a real word, but whatever).

as i write this, the song "oceans" by hillsong came on my pandora. i can't help to think about the words in this beautiful song. the words that promise we will be taken further than we have ever gone, that God is leading us, that when oceans rise, my soul WILL rest in His embrace, because I am His.

God has something good coming. no, something great coming. i don't know what. and i've been living long enough to know the trials that come with the good. but we are ready. we will be in deeper waters. but praise Jesus, His grace abounds there.