LET'S KEEP IT REAL

the reality of life has truly set in. life is busy, crazy, beautiful, overwhelming, disappointing, awesome. we all go through these different seasons, different emotions, the ups and downs of this journey. so i'm going to come out with it: life sucks right now. i'm tired, stressed, anxious. i've really been struggling with controlling my emotions and feelings. i've been having at least one anxiety attack a day since i started my new job, which seriously sets everything off. but i read this amazing encouragement today, and it just put everything into perspective. typically, i'm an impulsive, passionate person. i see something i want, and i don't give it a second thought; i'll usually just go for it. i like that part about myself. it makes life fun, and keeps it interesting. but being impulsive and passionate (and fickle) makes life confusing sometimes. i find myself overcommitted and overwhelmed. and in that very same place, my soul is underwhelmed. i have no time for God to move and to work and to mold. i don't take the time to just sit. so today, aaron and i have just sat. and we've laughed. and argued. and cried (well, i've cried). and loved. and we've just been able to be. and in that, we've talked about our future, what we want, where we see ourselves. now, one thing you may not know is that i'm a planner. i crave consistency and boundaries and set schedules. i like to know what to expect and what's expected. and because of this, i've battled a lot of giants in this life. i've dealt with the anxiety of not knowing what's to come, what's about to happen, where i'll be living in 6 months, and on and on and on. i've been restricted from letting God work and the freedom that comes with flexibility. so, today, i took a leap. aaron and i discussed our futures and the flexibility and unexpectedness that life brings. and we talked about how we're open to that, and how we'll pray about that, and how we welcome that. and trust, i've got some butterflies and heart palpitations knowing that i'm not "in control" (which is silly because there are a lot of things i can't control). but i'm working on being free and flexible, and i'm letting God lead where we're going.