W H O L E

i think our wandering spirits and hearts have finally found a church family! when we moved to colorado almost a year ago (okay, that's weird), we were exciting to build a life in community. but when friendships didn't bloom and people weren't interested in getting to know us, i got discouraged. i mean big time. this is when i fought depression hardcore. all my fears became real. so i withdrew. i literally told aaron "why would i make friends if i hate this place?" (no drama there, i really did hate it). then, we moved! and i was stoked! and i thought "we'll make friends all day long, la la la". and guess what? there weren't friends waiting on my doorstep. there weren't friends at the grocery store, or starbucks, or even the donut shop (which there should always be friends there). so, i was alone (or at least i felt that way). we were attending church at the summit on and off, and to be honest hadn't made a real effort to meet anybody. i even was signed up for a women's retreat and chose to work instead of go (i am LAME). then, we took an intro class at our church for people who want to become members. and met with a pastor. and went to a city group. AND MADE FRIENDS. you guys, i gave my phone number out like it was candy! and people wanted it! it was awesome. what i realized in city groups last night was huge. we're going through a book called When The Church Was A Family by Joseph Hellerman and man, was it uncomfortable. basically, he says that we are called to love our church family more than our biological families. that our priority is to our church family rather than our natural family. (okay, who else feels weird?) and it just clicked. 

i wasn't making friends because i wasn't seeking a family.

i didn't want to be vulnerable. i didn't want to be honest and broken in front of people i barely know.

then, our group leader said something.

if christ is all that unites us, we're a family. we don't need anything else.

mind.

blown.

i don't know why that simple truth rung so loudly in my ears. duh, if we have christ, we don't need anything else. but for some reason, that just didn't seem like it would apply to people.

don't get me wrong, i am still wrestling and uncomfortable with the idea of putting my church family before my natural family. and maybe it's because i have such an awesome family. it's also because i was taught the following priorities.

1. God

2. Family

3. Church 

4. Others

i was always taught that God came first, then my spouse, then my child, then ministry. that my family was my first ministry. and i guess to some extent it is. but what i hadn't thought about was how God and his people are connected and should be considered as such. these are not two separate entities; rather, God is in His people. there should not be such a sharp distinction between the two. so really, our priorities should look like this:

1. God's family

2. My family

3. Others

it's going to get some getting used to, but i am excited to see how God grows me in this area.

again, WE MADE FRIENDS. (also, i'm a loser).

I N K

how is it almost march? i can't understand where the time goes! just two weeks ago we packed up our little apartment and moved into a smaller 1950s house in denver. last weekend, two of our friends came from california and we had the best time. of course we went to voodoo and highland tap & burger, and of course we had lots of laughs, but you know what else? we got tattoos! eeek. okay, so both aaron and i have tattoos (matching roman number 2013), and we've both been wanting more tattoos, so we were so excited to do this together. we are so so happy with ours!

artwork & tattoo by rochelle marion at ritual tattoo

artwork & tattoo by billy crandall at ritual tattoo

now, when can i get my next one? ;)

"I DO WHAT I WANT!"

that statement was from a Facebook post of a girl i know. she is newly single, and says she loves it. and i'm assuming she loves it because she gets to "do what she wants". (there very well may be other reasons, and i completely acknowledge that maybe there is some deeper hurts for why she ended her relationship. so, this is not targeted at this one person.) for some reason, reading this statement broke my heart. do we ever really get to "do what we want"? is that our motivation for not being in a relationship? now, from the perspective of a Christian, doing what we want most certainly gets us into trouble. if i "did what i want", my life would be a mess. i would not be married. i would not have a job. heck, who knows what my life would be like, i may not even be a Christian.

truth time: there are many times in my short almost two years of marriage that i thought "well, if i was single, i could do that" or "i wish i didn't have to ask aaron". but let me just stop and say how utterly selfish that is. i know that God has called me to be a wife and has called me to submit to my husband. so thinking these thoughts about how i could do what i wanted if i wasn't married is just plain stupid. now, i'm not saying that those who are single can't "do what they want". God has specific plans for each of us and have us in specific life roles for the purpose of furthering His kingdom. is fulfilling God's plan of making disciples on this earth less than my earthly desires, no matter how important (to me) they might be? no matter how important i want my desires to be, they aren't more important than what Jesus has in store.