DEAR ANXIETY

i wrote this post 2 months ago and never posted it. i made the decision 1 month ago to not allow anxiety to rule over me. this is a personal post, and sharing it provides so much relief and freedom.

dear soul sucking, heart racing, mood killing, unwelcome anxiety,

i don't know how you manage to show up as i'm watching anastasia with aaron or while researching a tattoo, but you're there; you seem to pop in at the most inconvenient times. how about that time at work when i had to go outside because i felt like you were squeezing my heart until it was about to burst? or that time i was driving to the pharmacy and i started to hyperventilate?

and what about all the times you remind me how out of control i really am? like how i can't plan the next year of my life because nothing is really sure in this life? oh, and how often you make me doubt the God i serve and love with my whole heart; how His plan for me isn't thought out and that everything that happens is by chance? that where i want to be and what i want to do are so out of reach?

but guess what? while you used to rule my life, my choices, my emotions; while you used to make me binge eat until i almost threw up; while you used to make me cry and destroy my body; you don't have that control anymore. thanks to a therapist and medication, you no longer have power over me. you aren't me anymore, and while you'll always be a part of me, you will never consume me like you once did.

i'm breaking up with you, anxiety. i'm ready to have my soul back.